


The Secret to a Good Relationship

by B_Frizzy



Series: SMH Group Chats, etc [3]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Dick Jokes, Epistolary, F/M, Fluff, Good Friends, M/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, SMH group chat, Secret Relationships, Sexting, breaking up, conversations about sex, discussion of injuries, everyone is queer because samwell, good communication, gossiping like school children, mentions of the blackhawks, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-13 11:15:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10512645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_Frizzy/pseuds/B_Frizzy
Summary: A few months have passed and Ransom's relationship is going strong, Tango and Nursey have a talk, and Bitty negotiates with Jack."AB: we have not heard anything about this mystery lad of Ransom's. I do declare that it's getting serious, too. There was a trip to see him over the holidays, if I'm not mistaken""DN: I have literally no clue what you're talking about, I am pure and innocent"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The previous two installments take place during the fall semester of Bitty's junior year. This one takes place during the spring semester. We jump a few months (and skip the holidays).

AB: SO, Ransom, platonic life partner

AB: it's been, like, 3 months. You planning to introduce us to your man?

JO: Holster, you already know who it is. Why are you starting shit

AB: my life is boring. I need to live vicariously through you all

EB: oh good lord, holster

DN: didn't you just have that thing with that girl?

WP: ah yes, how could we forget that thing with that girl

DN: listen, LIAM

WP: oh fuck off

AB: I did indeed have a thing with a girl, but it has since stopped being a thing and I survive on drama and deets, neither of which I have right now

EB: you know, one day you'll have to live in the real world

EB: where there's no drama and deets

AB: Exactly! Gotta get the good shit while I can

JZ: there's plenty of drama in the real world

EB: honey, your coworkers are overgrown children with way too much money. 

AB: the point still stands: 

AB: we have not heard anything about this mystery lad of Ransom's. I do declare that it's getting serious, too. There was a trip to see him over the holidays, if I'm not mistaken

JO: still not a mystery to you, and you were literally on that trip with me

AG: so you worked everything out, ransom? :)

AB: AH HAH

AB: you can't deny sweet baby tango answers

JO: you're not gonna let this go, huh?

AB: nope

JO: he's fine. We're fine. 

AB: and your guy's guy?

JO: also fine

CC: aww, I'm so happy everything worked out for you :)))

JO: thanks, chowder

DN: speaking of boyfriends

JO: let the record show that I was not the one to use that word

LD: the official record shows that Justin Oluransi did not use the word boyfriend in reference to he guy he's seeing or the guy his guy is seeing

JO: thank you, Lardo

DN: anyway. Speaking of boyfriends. Bitty, how is yours?

JZ: I'm in this chat, too

EB: he is fine, nursey

AB: ;) yeah he is

JZ: hoslter no

DN: mhmmmm. I noticed you were making him that maple apple pie he likes so much for when you go to visit this weekend

JZ: You're making me pie, bittle?

EB: oh shush, like you didn't already know

DN: dex, how is your boyfriend doing?

WP: horribly. 

DN: yeah, okay

DN: whiskey, weren't you seeing someone, too?

RW: yes. She's fine.

DN: and tango? How's your boyfriend doing?

AG: I feel like all that wasn't necessary

DN: I have literally no clue what you're talking about, I am pure and innocent

DN: don't even start, liam, I can see that look on your face

EB: okay, what's up with that? Since when is dex Liam?

WP: he's trying to piss me off

AB: in a way that I should be fining for?

DN: No, not flirting, just annoying

DN: back to the matter at hand.

AG: my boyfriend is exactly the same as the last time you asked. Thank you, nursey

DN: hmph

AB: this started out as a quest for deets, but I think I like where it's headed better

JO: spoken like a true captain, always supportive of team unity and cohesion

AB: oh fine, ruin my fun

JZ: find better fun

LD: just out of curiosity, why does nobody ever ask me for deets?

BK: sexism?

 

**

EB: nursey, why are you giving that boy so much trouble?

DN: dexy knows what he did

EB: I meant tango

EB: but we will be coming back to dex

DN: oh

DN: i've been trying for weeks to convince him that he's so much better than jared

EB: :(

EB: I guess I just assumed that tango stayed with him because he got at least some of his act together

DN: without giving away too many details about their relationship or telling you things I don't think he'd want public knowledge.... he's worse

EB: oh no :(

DN: yeah

DN: I can't tell if tango really just doesn't care or if he doesn't think he's worth anything more

DN: I know he asks a lot of questions and everyone thinks that means he's oblivious and dumb but he's scary perceptive. He knows what people think of him

EB: it's not that we don't think he's smart!

DN: okay, and for real this time.

EB: :/

DN: we all did, bits. 

DN: did you know he's a sophomore? He tested out of enough shit to skip a year. And he's tutoring dex and chowder in those programming classes that were such a pain for them last semester

EB: wow, really?

DN: yeah

EB: you've really gotten close with him, huh?

DN: at first I felt bad for treating him like crap, but he's actually a really cool dude to be around

DN: he's so chill. Actually chill. Not me chill

EB: I noticed you've been trying to incorporate him more in team things

DN: yeah, he kind of felt left out

EB: and there's no other reason?

EB: maybe a reason that has to do with why you're mad at dex???

DN: no?

EB: so you and tango aren't, y'know....?

DN: OMG NO

DN: BITTY NO

DN: that'd be like you hooking up with Chowder

EB: okay! Just thought I'd ask

DN: I told dex he should start having sex with other people, since he constantly talks about how much dick he missed out on thinking he was straight

EB: he does not!

DN: all. The. Time. 

DN: but he got mad that I suggest he “cheat” on me and may have said some things about jared

EB: O.O

DN: yeah, so there was a lot of yelling, and he apologized, but just the fact that he even brought it up annoys me

EB: so you're annoying him right back

DN: exactly

EB: and what's with the 'liam' thing?

DN: that's what his family calls him. He hates it.

EB: man, I bet the makeup sex will be amazing though

DN: I can't even wait.

**

JZ: it seems like you are playing better with Ollie and Wicks lately

EB: :[ yeah I guess

EB: I'm still not really talking to them, but

EB: gotta put it aside for the team, right?

JZ: i'm proud of you for that, bits

EB: you're too sweet

EB: but i'm still upset, I haven't actually put anything behind me. I'm not quite that big of a person

JZ: not that big, eh?

EB: OH lord

EB: What did we say about height jokes??

JZ: who said it was a height joke ;)

EB: JACK LAURENT!

EB: I KNOW you did not just make a dick joke

JZ: maybe the guys are rubbing off on me

EB: well I would hope not

EB: i'm the only one who gets to do that

JZ: and tater

EB: and tater :)

EB: speaking of, how's that going?

JZ: all I hear about now is “justin this” and “justin that”

EB: ...not in bed, right?

JZ: haha no, thank god.

JZ: “jack, you think I good enough for justin? He have a lot more experience than me, what can I do to make better?”

JZ: “jack, justin say he like I am big. Did he mean tall? You think I am big enough down there too?”

JZ: “jack, you teach me to 'sext'”

EB: okay, first of all, that is just too cute

EB: and second of all... I have seen tater naked and if he were any bigger, he'd have to start getting custom cups

JZ: wait, when have you seen tater naked?

EB: sweetheart..... You skype me all the time after you two are done screwing around

EB: half the time I can see him laying next to you

JZ: oh

JZ: is that... okay? That I talk to you after?

EB: Of course it's okay

EB: I love you and I love tater and I love seeing you two happy

EB: I mean, USUALLY that doesn't mean post-coital bliss, but that's pretty nice, too

JZ: have you ever thought about us

JZ: the three of us together?

EB: why don't you call me in about an hour? We can talk about it then, hm?

EB: and you tell your boy that if he needs lessons on how to sext, he should definitely not get them from you ;)

**

BK: oh my god WHY ARE THE BLACKHAWKS SUCH FUCKING DICKS

LD: they need to lay the fuck off

DN: it's like jack insulted their hive mother or something

EB: there may have been some before the puck drop talk about certain off the ice actions and how to be a role model

EB: and generally not a shitty human being

BK: no fucking way

CC: :O

CC: jack is my hero!!!

AB: I can't believe our little hockey robot is all grown up and picking fights without us

EB: he's got tater to back him up now

JO: good dude to have your back

DN: chyeah

AB: your back or your BACK ;)

JO: You caught me. My secret boyfriend is alexei mashkov, arguably the hottest, most available, and most talented hockey player currently in the NHL. He is in not one but two secret gay relationships and is happy slumming it with a neurotic college kid. I totally meant butt sex and have a secret folder full of dick pics for when he's on the road for away games and we can't meet each other to fuck

AG: that was sarcasm, wasn't it?

JO: yes, tango, that was sarcasm

BK: Speaking of Tater!!

DN: dude that's hot

WP: fucking really, nursey? Fighting gets you hot and bothered?

AB: suddenly you two make so much more sense together

WP: fuck off, holster. I'm goddamn irresistible

DN: ehhhh

DN: little column a, little column b

BK: shit, lucky shot

EB: dang, does he look a little unsteady to anyone else?

LD: he's a big bad russian badass, he'll be fine

JO: no, I think bitty's right. He's really struggling to make it back to the bench

AB: he's not looking so hot

DN: no, he still looks hot

WP: why am I going out with you again?

DN: mostly the sex

WP: right.

AB: can you let us know how he is when you get word, bits?

EB: yeah np

**

AG: are you busy right now?

DN: I was just chilling with dex, what's up?

AG: i'm not... interrupting anything, right?

DN: no, man. I don't make it a habit to answer texts while fucking

DN: we were just watching some shitty movie and eating gummy animals

AG: can I ask you something?

DN: go for it, dude

AG: when you and dex fight, it's just play fighting, right?

DN: Yeah. I mean, we've had a few real fights, but none of those have been public knowledge or anything

AG: and when jack chirps bitty, it's just... fun?

DN: right

AG: but when jared and you fought, that wasn't playing or fun, was it?

DN: no, it most definitely wasn't

AG: how can you tell the difference?

DN: Well, jared is a dick. He says shit that he knows hurts because he wants to be there to make it better after

DN: but dex just pokes at little things that I'm already willing to make fun of myself for, and it's never in a hurtful way

DN: same for jack and bitty

AG: how do you know what's meant to be hurtful and what's for fun?

DN: uh

DN: so, think of it like our list. Your friends respect you enough that they don't push those boundaries. And if you said you didn't want them to make fun of, idk, your hair or the way you talk, they wouldn't. That's how your boyfriend should be too

DN: jared would look at that list and focus on that shit. That's a bad partner

AG: oh

DN: shit. Uh, okay, like Dex might make fun of me for saying i'm chill instead of responding with how I actually am. The other day he said “oh, chill, huh? Fucking mr ice man over here.” he chirped me for it, but didn't judge and gave me the opening to talk about it

DN: jared said shit like “i know you're fucking lying, derek. You're just a giant mess in a giant body. Thank god you're cute, huh?”. He would judge me, insult me, then try to make it up with a “compliment” that isn't really a compliment

AG: okay, yeah I think I get it

AG: and I think maybe I need to break up with jared

DN: you need me to come with you?

AG: no

AG: he doesn't like me enough to fight over it

DN: you know where my room is if you need anything, okay?

**

EB: looks like tater's got a minor concussion and he'll be out for a while

BK: FUCK that

DN: :[ poor dude

CC: oh no!!! he'll be okay, though, right??

JZ: yeah, chowder, he's fine. Just needs to rest a bit. 

JO: so, on that subject..

JO: does everyone remember when I made a joke about Tater being my secret boyfriend? Yeah, tater actually is my boyfriend and he's gonna be spending a few days here, since he has to be off anyway

DN: Whaaaat

BK: GET. IT. RANSOM.

CC: !!!

AB: BRO YOU WERE HOLDING OUT ON US

JO: for the last time, holster. YOU KNEW.

AG: by here do you mean samwell or the haus?

EB: he'll be staying at a hotel, but will spend a good amount of time at the haus, i'd wager

AB: YEEEEAH RANSOM GET IT

DN: Yeah, ransom. Get it. All over the attic, and both beds, and the desks.

AB: NO

DN: ;)

EB: I do believe the doctor said “no strenuous activity”

EB: and by that I mean Y'ALL not the sex

EB: (but the sex, too)

CC: oh my gosh, this is gonna be so fun!!

AG: when will he get here?

JO: tomorrow, around noon. He'll get set up in his hotel while we finish practice and he'll grab an uber here

WP: do you want to borrow my car so you can pick him up and drive him around and shit?

JO: that'd be awesome man, thanks Dex

WP: no problem, dude


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did raise the rating for this chapter, so if you didn't notice, be warned!

AB: if I go upstairs, i'm not going to walk in on some weird sex stuff, right?

JO: dude no

JO: tango's up here

AB: uh yeah, hence the “weird” part

AB: he's single now

AB: you're all polywhatnot and attractive dudes

JO: nope. no. just no.

AB: just checking, don't want to cockblock a bro

JO: pretty sure the concussion got there first

AB: #truth

AB: dude what are they doing

JO: why are you texting me when we're in the same room together?

AB: so we can gossip, duh

AB: so what are they doing??

JO: asking questions. They've been doing this for almost two hours now

JO: I think tango finally met his match

AB: holy shit

JO: “so you're from Russia?” “Yes! Is home, I miss very much. You are from Texas?” “yeah. I miss it, but I bet I get to go home more than you. Do you miss your family?” “I'm miss very much. But am meant for NHL, not KHL. You are liking samwell and hockey?” “yeah. It's a totally different environment than i'm used to. I guess the same goes for you?” ”i was um... adjustment! But i'm like america very much”

AB: dude

AB: that's the cutest shit ever

JO: He's so sweet. I can just imagine how patient he'd be with kids

AB: JUSTIN FUCKING OLURANSI

AB: YOU JUST SAID WHAT

AB: wait, dude you gotta calm down

JO: oh god

AB: c'mon bro

AB: you can't have a panic attack rn without drawing attention

AB: big breaths... you got it

JO: oh my god

JO: what did I just say

JO: did I just

AB: you, my sweet platonic life bro, just declared your intentions

AB: intentions that include the most adorable Russian-Canadian children to will bless the world

JO: holster, I've only known him for four months

JO: I can't want babies with him. I don't even know what I want to do after graduation

AB: AND YET

JO: I couldn't even use the word boyfriend last week

AB: For a BOY, I'm thinking Adam jr. For a girl, I like Nikita.

JO: … nikita is a boy's name.

**

WP: do we really need to have this discussion again?

DN: I didn't say anything

DN: you were the one who even brought it up

WP: just trying to get a head start on telling you I don't want to talk about it again

DN: yeah, oddly enough, you bringing up my ex cheating on me last time didn't exactly encourage me to have a second conversation

WP: I just didn't know that it bothers you so much when I talk about how much I like sex

DN: it doesn't

WP: you suggested I fuck other guys, Nursey. Seems like it may bother you

DN: I don't know how to have this conversation without it just being a repeat of last time

WP: I just don't get it

DN: there's nothing to get. You like sex, I offered a way for you to have more, you said no. that's it, dex.

WP: I just...

WP: why don't you care? Why doesn't that bother you?

DN: why doesn't what what bother me?

WP: the though of me fucking around! We're dating, nursey! I expect fidelity when I'm dating someone and I don't know why that's not something you want, too

DN: it's not like that

WP: then what's it like?

DN: can't this wait until later, when we're actually in the same room together?

WP: not really. I don't want to waste time fighting about it when we're actually together

DN: look, babe. I want you. I want this relationship. I want fidelity. And if we were to come to some sort of arrangement, I would expect you to operate within the bounds of that arrangement. Anything outside of that would be cheating

WP: but why would any arrangement be okay to begin with?

DN: I don't know how to answer that....

DN: don't know what you're looking for

WP: why aren't you jealous?! Why don't you want me to yourself? I want you to be willing to fight other guys for me, not loan me out to them!

DN: Babe, i'm not that guy. I'm just not.

WP: what if I want you to be?

**

EB: any chance you can make it down one of these days, sweetheart?

JZ: I'll try, Bits

EB: :)

EB: Ransom has some study groups during the week, I was thinking you, me, and Tater could spend some time together

JZ: Spend time or spend time ?

EB: There's not much spending time happening with Tater's concussion, but in general.... well I guess that would depend on how you and him feel about things

JZ: I think you know how I feel about it

EB: wanna remind me ;)

JZ: oh, did you forget our conversation already ?

EB: well, you helped me study flashcards

EB: maybe I just want to help you work on your sexting lessons for Tater

EB: if you have the time for it, that is

JZ: in that case

JZ: I would very much love to spend time with you and Tater. We could go to annies or we could take a walk by the pond. I would love to take pictures of you and Tater, and you know how much I like the lighting there

JZ: Or, I could take pictures of you and him together at the Haus, I don't have a lot of you there. I can imagine how they'll look now, all long limbs and smooth skin on soft sheets

JZ: I haven't got to use those new lenses you bought me very much. I love how they make you glow, almost golden. Next to Tater's pale skin and dark hair, the contrast will be perfect

JZ: you two are so different. And he's so big compared to you

EB: Mhmmm, almost a foot taller

JZ: and such big hands. I bet he could wrap them easily around your waist, spread across your back. Hold you tight to him by your beautiful ass

EB: mmm, that sounds so nice, baby

JZ: and you're such a good boy for me, you'd do exactly what I told you to, wouldn't you?

EB: always. Anything.

JZ: I know you'd worship him the way he deserves, the way you know feels so good. Touch every bit of skin from his feet up to his broad shoulders

JZ: and I could get pictures all the way up, your strong hands. I think they're my favorite part of your body

EB: and then what would you have me do?

JZ: I'd like to see your lips all over him, too. teasing his nipples. They're so sensitive, more than anyone I've been with

JZ: I want to watch them stretch tight over his big cock

EB: just my lips, hm?

JZ: impatient

JZ: First his fingers stretching your tight ass, then you sliding down his cock. 

EB: how could I be your good boy, sweetheart?

JZ: can you call me?

EB: skype instead?

**

DN: how's harvard treating you, bro?

BK: LIKE FUCKING SHIT

BK: I don't know if I'm fucking homicidal or suicidal

BK: sorry, shitty ass joke

DN: I mean, a little, but I get it

BK: SO how the fuck is samwell doing? How's your boy??

BK: how fuckin weird is it having alexei goddamn mashkov there

DN: bruh, you don't even know. All the weird flirting between him and ransom and him and bitty? And jack is here, too. It's just... idek

BK: oh my god, i'm so fucking pissed I can't be there to see that shit

BK: how's jack handling bitty flirting with another guy??

DN: you remember when bitty and jack were pretending not to date but they were so obvious about it? Yeah, it's like that

BK: no fuckin way

DN: seriously, jack gets these googly eyes whenever bitty flirts with tater

DN: and ransom looks like he doesn't know whether to laugh or cry

DN: or drag all of them upstairs

BK: I can't believe I'm missing this shit

DN: got more important things to do

DN: saving the world, one textbook at a time

BK: jesus CHRIST, remind me why i'm doing this again?

DN: 2 parts to help people, 1 part because of legally blonde, and about 97 parts to piss your dad off by joining his firm and taking as many pro bono cases as humanly possible

BK: ah, right, yes

DN: plus, you'll be the best fucking lawyer this side of Foggy Nelson

BK: not fucking possible

DN: you know you're doing good, right?

DN: it's not easy, but you're doing it anyway because you want to help, and that's badass

DN: i'm proud of you, man

BK: thanks, Nurse, that means a lot

BK: SOOO,

BK: I noticed you avoided my question about dex, what's that about?

DN: idk, we're having a bit of an issue

BK: anything you want to talk about?

DN: idk i'm not sure if it's resolveable

DN: he wants me to be jealous

BK: what do you mean, jealous? Is he fucking around or doing shit that you should be jealous of? Do I need to lay down the fucking law on him

DN: no, it's like...

DN: just in general. He wants me to be that guy who doesn't let other people flirt with him in front of me and shit

BK: but that's not you

DN: I know

DN: I don't know, shits

BK: what brought all this on?

DN: still the whole poly thing..

BK: i'm sorry, my dude, that sucks

DN: idk, we'll figure it out

DN: or we won't... either way, right?

BK: you're really feeling him, aren't you?

DN: you remember Michael?

BK: that fucking dude you almost left the team for last year? Little frat twink guy?

BK: you fucking crazy about him. Head over heels bananas

DN: he saw me on campus the other day, tried to hit me up

DN: I didn't even give him a second glance

BK: bruh....

BK: has anyone ever told you that you're a serial fucking monogamist?

**

LD: anyone not willing to help out their team manager with her senior art project, avoid the Haus tommorrow

LD: anyone who wishes to gain brownie points (and possible dibs favors), I'll see you at 6

RW: 6 AM?

LD: got a problem with that, taddy?

AG: what kind of help do you need, lardo?

LD: a lot of mindless manual labor. Hauling things, stretching canvases, hoisting. Perfect for brawny hockey boys.

AB: should I be insulted that you're calling us mindless?

JO: ...if you have to ask

CC: you know i'll be there to help!

LD: thanks, chowder

JZ: I can help out, too

AG: why are you in town, jack?

EB: moral support.

JO: tater says he's so sorry he can't help but he'll have fun looking at all the hot sweaty hockey boys

AB: oooh, you two cuddled up all close, is tater reading over your shoulder? It's good to know that you're the little spoon, bro

RW: does nobody else find it weird that an NHL star is saying those kind of things about us...? 

AB: consider it luck, little taddy

LD: don't get too comfy, there, Mashkov. I have work for you to do, too

LD: nothing strenuous. He just has to sit there and look pretty

JO: “good choice, I am the prettiest”

EB: nobody cuter, you big russian potato

RW: no, this is weird.

CC: I think they're cute :)

AG: lardo, I thought most of your art is sculptural, not paint on canvas?

LD: they're mostly just going to be background. Think Rothko meets Mondrian, then had a love-child with Kafka.

DN: sounds cool, dude

WP: you actually understood that?

AG: you didn't?

EB: I thought you were mostly done with your project, lardo

LD: by “mostly done” I meant “have totally planned out but have not actually done any physical work on it yet”. 

LD: I plan to make pretty good progress tomorrow

AB: you know what that sounds like?

AB: REASON FOR A MOTHERFUCKING PARTY

RW: tomorrow's sunday.

AG: is there anything that doesn't sound like reason for a party to you?

AB: labor day

JO: tater says he wants to “party like college boy”

EB: tater may actually die if he does that

JO: (((((((

BK: MY motherfucking dudes

BK: partying with J-ZED and tater, i'm so jealous

EB: aww, can't you blow off whatever you have to do? Help a bro out, indulge in some irresponsibility, just like old times

DN: come chill with us bro

BK: i'll try, my dudes, you know I'll try

AB: there is no try, only do or do not.

WP: jesus fucking christ

AB: gird your fucking loins, boys, tonight we die

AB: FOR TATER

AB: no? Nobody joining in on my battle cry?

WP: no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, strictly speaking... I basically hate this. I'm not at all pleased, but I haven't made any progress in days, so I'm just gonna post it as is.  
> I literally can't even remember the last time I actually sexted, so I'm sorry for the whole super awkward scene.
> 
> I don't know when I'll get around to a part four, but if you follow me on tumblr, I'm writing more check, please stuff there. I'm gonna try to remember to start a fic here and transfer my drabbles and prompts and whatever, but I will probably forget.  
> edit: i'm in the process of writing part 4 (to give a bit more resolution to everything), then I can't see myself doing more on this series for a good while.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, everyone, for the awesome and wonderful comments you left last time! I'm feeling better and my daughter is back to a normal-ish sleep schedule (YAY!), so it's all coming up Frizzy right now. 
> 
> I've been waffling about whether or not to actually post this, because I'm pretty unsatisfied. At the same time, though, it's been sitting untouched for about a week, so. Let me know what you think?
> 
> I've started the next chapter already, but maaay change some things depending on how y'all feel about this one. 
> 
> As always, let me know if you catch any mistakes or typos or think there are any tags I should add :)


End file.
